


Memoirs of an Exile

by idiosyncraticWordsmith (literaryAspirant)



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Eastern Inspired, Family Issues, Gen, Origin Story, Original Characters - Freeform, Tabaxi Samurai, Vignettes, Wherein there is an East-Asian inspired Tabaxi empire of some sort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-28
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-07 06:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17955140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literaryAspirant/pseuds/idiosyncraticWordsmith
Summary: Honor. Family. Loyalty. These are the ways of the Takahashi line. They are the ideals Prince Shin were raised with by his nurse and mother.They are also the damnation of his family.Origin story for my tabaxi samurai. Inspired by Japanese and Chinese culture and history. Told in vignettes of the most significant moments in his life.





	1. Prophecy

The handmaiden rushed the soothsayer through the halls of the palace, disregarding traditional courtesy in favor of practicality as their clothing fluttered about them in time with their steps. The thundering of the storm outside gave divine emphasis to their errand. There was no time for courtesy and leisure, yet the fortune-teller paused in the midst of the hurry.

“Such rush!” The soothsayer complained. “My old bones will shatter with this jostling! This is no way for an old woman like me to go about!”

“Apologies, honored one,” the handmaiden said. “We were not expecting the mistress’ child to come for some time yet.”

“Hrm… this is a portent,” the soothsayer remarked, stroking her whiskers in thought. “And the storm, too…”

“Please, honored one,” the handmaiden said, wringing her hands together in worry, scratching gently at herself with her claws. “We must wait until we are in the child’s presence for your divinations.”

“Are we yet far from the mother?” The soothsayer inquired. “Or may we take a kinder pace? You young kits and your stamina are such tyrants over the elderly...”

“Well…” the handmaiden paused. She was ordered to bring the soothsayer with all haste, but they were just around the corner now.

“I sense we may take some time,” the soothsayer concluded. “I will be no good if my heart has given out before I pronounce my prophecies.”

“Yes, honored one,” the handmaiden said. “As you wish.” It was not her place to be any more forceful than she had been.

“What is your name, child?” The soothsayer asked, now settling into the more proper way of transit: learning about your walking partner. Tabaxi were naturally curious folk; it was equally natural for their customs to include such querying.

“Rin, honored one,” was the answer. “I have served the mistress seven years now.”

“Yes, I believe I recall your face now,” the soothsayer said. “You were there for Kei and Aio’s births.”

“The princesses, yes,” Rin replied. “I was a child then.”

“You are a child now,” the soothsayer jested. “You are no older than 22, I would say. Humans would call you grown; I do not think any of us would.”

“Perhaps,” Rin acknowledged. “But I think I have grown since Princess Kei’s birth, at least. She certainly has.”

“Yes, as I had prophesied; she has her mother’s aptitude. As much as Aio has her temper! Hah!” The soothsayer guffawed. Rin did not approve of her casual approach to royalty, but said nothing. It was not her place. Besides, they now approached the birthing rooms. Lady Saacra’s screams punctuated the air at semi-regular intervals, like blasts on a horn.

“Here,” Rin said, opening the door. “You are awaited.”

“Of course I am,” the soothsayer laughed. “I gathered as much when you tore me from my bed.”

“Honored diviner,” a man’s voice cut out, “at last. Your timing is immaculate, as it always is.”

“Spare me your flatterings, Fesrex,” the soothsayer dismissed. Rin stood in silent shock at her treatment of the lord of the household. Soothsayers were always bold, since the law protected them from any reprisal until their prophecies rang false, but this one was especially out of line. 

The diviner took out her bag, which she grabbed in the rush, and set up incense to clear her mind, then opened her codex to confer with the signs. She took note of the hour, the date, the alignment of the stars, the birth-prophecies of the child’s parents, the storm outside and its own nature and lifespan. She asked after the mother’s health, the length of the pregnancy, the nature of the delivering. She asked after all of this and more, and then closed her eyes and fell silent, contemplating in the smoke of her herbs.

Then the mother screamed once more, and a new, tiny yelping replaced her pain. The first breaths of a new life. The soothsayer opened her eyes. She was rude and unorthodox, but some things even she held sacred: she waited for the mother to hold the child before asking anything.

“It is a son!” The midwife declared as she gave the kit to its mother. “A son is born to Fesrex and Saacra!”

“Then the family’s honor is secured,” Fesrex proclaimed. The soothsayer glared at him with fury, but said nothing. Not yet.

“He is beautiful,” Saacra declared, holding the small furless thing in her arms, stroking it as it cried and yelped. “Shh, shh, little one, you are safe…”

“We shall name him ‘Shin’ for my grandfather, who also was the first son of his father, after some daughters,” Fesrex stated. The soothsayer glared once more.

“Shin… yes, we shall call him Shin…” Saacra agreed. The soothsayer knew her, though. This child would not be Shin, named for Fesrex’s line. He would be Shin, named for his mother’s brother. It was a blessed name in that way. Now she spoke.

“Bring the child here, and I shall prophesy,” she said. Fesrex took the child from Saacra, earning a third glare, and brought Shin to her. She examined the kit, and nodded solemnly.

“The early onset of his birth, which came with the storm, speaks that the gods have blessed this child, and brought him into the world as quickly as could be done, to work their work; the mother’s health in his deliverance says he shall be strong and hearty, and bring her more health and support her; that he is born under these stars says that his shall be the way of the prince, peace before all things but righteous fury when all things fail; that his parents’ lineages came together as they have speaks that he shall always be held above the world.”

“Blessed be the gods!” Fesrex praised, but the soothsayer stopped him.

“Yet, there is more,” she declared. “The sins of the father have touched the kit. For speaking before the mother after his birth, to express desire, the father has poisoned that desire. Thus shall the family’s honor be shattered in this child’s time. For daring to name the child in vanity before the mother, the father shall be cut like an errant branch from the child’s life, before the name may mean anything new by the child’s new actions. And for tearing the child from the mother so fresh after its birth, rather than letting the mother or her daughters or maidens handle the kit, the father’s touch shall hereafter be toxic to the child, and every print the father leaves on the son shall bring pain and sorrow ere it is wiped away.”

The room stood in silence. Lord Fesrex, cousin to the highest lord of the state, had been cursed by a soothsayer. Yet his own cousin’s law forbade him reprise her.

“That will be all, prophesier,” Fesrex grumbled.

“One more prophecy have I,” the soothsayer said. “For all the father’s sins, the son shall toil. And as the father is lost to perdition, the son shall find for him and his, redemption.”

“That will be all!” Fesrex shouted. The child, which had begun to calm, erupted into new fits.

“No, Fesrex,” the soothsayer said as she stood and handed the kit to Rin, “it is not all, at all. There will be much, much more to come. But much of it will not be for me to see; nor for you.”

And so the soothsayer left the birthing chambers. She would never return to those rooms. Rin never saw her again.


	2. The Kitten Prince

“Prince Shin!” Rin’s voice called out. “Prince Shin, where are you, my lord?”

“I am here, oba-san!” The kitten’s voice called out from a few rooms down the hall. “With Kei and Aio!”

Oh dear… Rin thought. A kitten with his older sisters, especially when one of those sisters was Aio, might not be a good situation. She wondered if Lord Fesrex would give her another lecture for losing track of his son, but he was so impossible to stay on top of. He was always slinking off and tricking her.

Rin hurried over to where she heard Shin’s voice, and restrained herself from sighing in relief. No mess, no trouble, just two princesses sitting with their looms, weaving tapestries, as she taught them. Except Shin was with them, weaving on a simple loom, and doing a poor job at it. Weaving was not a prince’s work, though she couldn’t expect a kitten like Shin to know that, being so young. He was only six, after all.

“What are you doing, little prince?” Rin asked.

“Kei and Aio are teaching me to make tapestry!” Shin said. “I have to sit and be patient but I like it very much!”

“He wouldn’t stop bothering us,” Aio explained, “so we figured we’d give him something useful to do if he wouldn’t go.”

“Prince Shin,” Rin said, “you mustn’t be a bother to your sisters.”

“He isn’t a bother,” Kei said. “We enjoy spending time with our little brother. Besides, he’s learning something to put all that energy into.”

“Your father will not be happy to see you weaving with your sisters,” Rin explained. “You should be doing something appropriate for a prince, like carving wood, or learning your calligraphy.”

“But I want to be with Kei and Aio!” Shin complained. “They tell me stories!”

Rin looked at the princesses. “What kind of stories?” She asked suspiciously.

“Just what we remember from our poetry lessons,” Kei explained. “Shin likes stories about the great heroes.”

“Well, if that is all,” Rin said, “then I can tell you stories, too, while you carve and practice your brushwork.”

“But oba-san, you’re not funny like Aio!” Shin complained. Rin raised an eyebrow at Aio, who merely shrugged with the grin she used when she was scurrying away from some mischief or other of hers. “Besides, I am already started on this tapestry!”

“Someone else will have to work on it,” Rin told him. “Princes do not weave. That is for princesses.”

Shin crossed his arms in a juvenile frustration. “Then I would rather be a princess!”

That caused Aio to laugh, and even Kei stiffled a giggle. Rin merely sighed and came over to Shin, kneeling beside him.

“Prince Shin, your mother asked me to look after you and make sure you grew into a strong and wise prince. Do I have to ask her to come and explain to you herself that weaving will not help you do that?” Rin said.

“Rin-kun,” Kei spoke up, “I disagree with you. Weaving teaches patience, discipline, craftsmanship, artistry, and an appreciation for the humble arts; are these not princely virtues?”

Rin sighed. Kei was not as fiery as Aio, but made up for it in her contrarian nature. Rin was a handmaiden, she was no match for Kei’s training in rhetoric, nor was it completely in her place for her to debate a princess. Kei was only fifteen, but she was already becoming an extremely competent woman.

“I will not debate with you, Kei-denka. But it is not me you must convince, but your father,” Rin explained. “I do not wish to cross him, nor should you, and he has expressed his wish for Prince Shin to pursue the traditional princely education.”

Kei fell silent at this. Aio seemed to fume, but also said nothing. Rin wondered if after twelve years she had finally learned to keep her mouth shut. None of them wanted to displease Lord Fesrex. His fury was well-known, and his sensitivity over his first son also weighed on everyone’s mind. Kei and Aio did not know the why of it, but Rin did. She still remembered the night of Shin’s birth and the dire curses laid on Fesrex by the soothsayer… but felt the kits were too young still to learn of it all.

“Oba-san,” Shin asked in a small voice which fit a child more than it did a prince, “why does father hate me?”

“Oh, Prince Shin,” Rin sighed, stroking Shin’s cheek. “Your father does not hate you. You are very important to him, and he wants you to grow up as well as you can.”

“Then why does he not spend time with me?” Shin complained. “You always say he wants me reading, or writing, or carving, or painting, but he never does it with me!”

“Because he is a very important lord, Prince Shin,” Rin explained. “Cousin to the Emperor! Royalty! He must tend to the affairs of state. One day you will go to court with him and then you will be at his side. For now, you must tend to your studies.”

“Am I not important enough for father to teach me himself?” Shin asked sadly. Rin’s heart broke, hearing him ask that, seeing his eyes.

“Father has duties Shin,” Kei spoke up. “We all do.”

“You’re important enough to us, Shin,” Aio affirmed. “Kei and me and Rin. And mother, too.”

“But I have not seen mother in so long!” Shin complained. “Ever since she became so big!”

“She is with child, Prince Shin,” Rin explained. “Which is another reason you must tend to your studies. What if you have a new baby brother, another prince, and he needs someone to learn from, and your father is still too busy?”

“If I have a baby brother… will I still be mother’s kitten prince?” Shin asked. Rin smiled and tussled the top of his head between his ears.

“Of course, little prince,” She assured. “Have no fear. There is enough love in your mother’s heart for a dozen kittens.”

Shin smiled at that. “Well, I better make sure that my baby brother has someone like me to take care of him! That way you won’t have to worry about him making trouble, oba-san!”

Rin laughed. Shin meant well, but she knew the Takahashi kits too well at this point, having helped raise all three: they would always find ways to make trouble.


	3. Courtliness

“You look so handsome,” Lady Saacra remarked as she combed her first son’s long head-fur. He was twelve now, with three young brothers taking his place as the rambunctious kittens scurrying about and making trouble, except for young little Bento, who seemed to take after Kei and maintained an even-headed demeanor. Shin was dressed in courtly finery for the first time; the family tailor was utterly precise with it, and the care put into the attire showed. She knew Shin didn’t like wearing all of it very much, but she was proud of his discipline and patience in taking it in stride.

“Do you think father will approve?” Shin asked. It was a natural question. Today was the first full day he’d get to spend with his father in years.

“I am sure he will,” Saacra assured. “I know I do.”

“You always approve, mother,” Shin pointed out, smiling. “I can always rely on your support. It’s father I have to work for.”

“True of many people,” Saacra remarked. “Your father is a hard man, but a good man. Remember to be patient and respectful of him today. He expects you to be ready for the affairs of court, even if it’s just a minor court.”

“I won’t let him down,” Shin vowed, staring into his own eyes in the mirror. “Rin-san made sure I won’t.”

“That she has,” Saacra smiled warmly. “It’s amazing to see you right now, little kitten prince. It still feels like you should be with Rin right now, making trouble with your brothers.”

“I’m not a kitten anymore,” Shin declared. “I need to be the prince father needs me to be. The family’s honor depends on it.”

Saacra hid her worry. She had spent twelve years putting prophecies and soothsayers out of her head, but hadn’t succeeded yet. “We should not keep your father waiting any longer,” she said simply. “Come along, little prince.”

As Saacra began to lead Shin out of the drawing room, the door slid open, with Rin on the other side. “Mistress, Lord Kai is asking for you.”

“Lord Kai?” Saacra asked, confused. “Last I heard, he was off on campaign.”

“He seems to have recently returned,” she said. “He wanted to speak to you, since Lord Fesrex is preparing for court.”

“Very well, we shall see him,” Saacra said. Rin disappeared, and Saacra looked to Shin. “You have not met your uncle yet, Shin. Be on your best behavior; he is a revered leader in the Emperor’s armies. Consider this a test of your courtliness before going out to court proper.”

“Yes, mother,” Shin replied dutifully.

In a moment, a large tabaxi wearing military equipment entered, taking care not to tread too heavily in his armor. He smiled when he saw his kindred. “Lady Saacra,” he greeted with a bow. “It has been too long.”

“Lord Kai,” Saacra greeted warmly, bowing in return. “I am glad to see that the Emperor’s campaigns have no worn on your health. This is Prince Shin, Lord Fesrex’s first son and heir.”

“So here stands my young nephew,” Kai acknowledged, coming closer. Shin bowed low.

“It is an honor to meet you, Lord Kai,” Shin greeted. Kai laughed.

“Already so courteous and polite,” He noted. “Fesrex has really dug deep into him, eh?”

“It has mostly been my handmaiden and I raising him,” Saacra corrected. “Though according to Fesrex’s instructions regarding his education.”

Kai raised an eyebrow. “Hm. Fesrex always said he’d raise his sons himself to make sure they turned out alright.”

“My father has been mindful of me, Lord Kai,” Shin stated humbly. “I am joining him in court today to begin the next stage of my education.”

“I’m sure that will be very fun for you,” Kai said in a strange way. Shin almost thought he didn’t mean it.

“Why are you here, Kai?” Saacra asked, her voice lowered as she approached him slightly more.

“Can a man not return to his older brother’s home after being away at war, and see his relations?” Kai asked.

“Kai, please, we served together,” Saacra reminded him. “You can be honest with me.”

Kai looked down at Shin. Saacra followed his gaze and sighed a little bit.

“Shin is a good son. You can trust him,” Saacra assured.

“But to whom is he a good son, Saacra,” Kai questioned. “But I suppose the better question is, is he a good man?”

“I am, Lord Kai-sama,” Shin attested. “I am the best I can be. To do less would be to fail as a prince.”

“Sometimes being the best person you can be requires failing as a prince, little one,” Kai explained. “I learned that from your father.”

“My father has never failed at being a prince, or a lord,” Shin replied, standing his ground.

“Exactly,” Kai stated coldly.

“Kai, please, if it’s such a concern, we’ll step aside. Shin is too young for such matters,” Saacra said. Kai merely shook his head.

“He’s old enough to be in court, he’s old enough to hear court intrigue, and he needs to have a better idea of the kind of person his father is,” Kai responded. 

“What do you mean?” Saacra asked.

“The Emperor suspects Fesrex is conspiring,” Kai said softly. “I was sent to spend some time here and get a better look at what he’s doing. I felt I could trust you enough to warn you about what your husband could be doing.”

“Conspiring…” Saacra repeated. “Fesrex wouldn’t.”

“You really have been married to him for too long if you really believe that,” Kai challenged.

“My father is honorable,” Shin declared. “He would not betray the Emperor’s trust. To imply he would is dishonorable, Lord Kai.”

Kai looked at him sadly, and crouched down to his level. “Shin, I know I love your father very much. And that is a very good and princely thing to do. But it’s also princely to know that the people you love… they aren’t always as good as we want them to be. Even if they’re family.”

Shin looked at his mother. She offered no guidance. Saacra was filled with uncertainty herself.

“You barely know your father, Shin,” Kai acknowledged. “So I don’t expect you to believe me. Simply keep this between us, and let me do the work the Emperor sent me here for without telling anyone. If I am wrong, then everyone will know how dishonorable I am. But I might be right, and the Emperor will need to know if I am. And if I am…” he trailed off, looking to Saacra. “Then there will be… there will be things you and your family will need to be ready for.”

Saacra looked hard at Kai, before letting go of a long breath. “Once more, Kai, you have made my life impossible…”

“That’s never what I want to do, Lady Saacra,” Kai said, speaking too soft and walking too close for proper courtly manners. The gentle touch of his hand on Saacra’s arm was also uncourtly. “I can make arrangements, in case… I end up being right. If you want me to.”

Saacra merely nodded once. It was all Kai needed.

“Saacra… I…” Kai spoke softly, but Saacra turned from him.

“Please do not, Kai,” she entreated. “We must make our way to court now. I do not wish to disrespect Lord Fesrex.”

Saacra began to guide Shin away, but Shin managed to hear Kai say one more thing before he left earshot.

“If only he felt the same for you.”


	4. Voice

_Like the fish swimming_   
_Through the vast dry desert sands,_   
_I make the attempt._

Shin never was very good at poetry.

But it was all he could find peace in. All he could find himself capable of doing. He knew there was so many other things he could be doing. He could be packing. He could be helping the others pack. He could be tending to his younger brothers, especially poor Bento, who was too young to do anything but wail and cry and panic in the face of this disaster. But all he could do was write poetry. It felt like he had to do that, to write one poem, express himself in one small thing, one final mark on this place, the home of his family and ancestors, before he was wiped from it forever.

Uncle Kai came to court intermittently for two years since he first arrived. Lord Fesrex made good use of him during his visits, and in that time, Shin learned much. Fesrex taught him to behave, to plot, to scheme, to appease, to negotiate, to blackmail, to extort, to threaten, to bribe, all while Kai was kept busy overseeing the palace guard and training them. Shin never talked about what Kai said he had come for, but figured whatever Kai was trying to do was halted by his father’s positioning him. When Shin turned thirteen, old enough to wield weapons, Fesrex placed him under Kai’s tutelage, where he learned of discipline, technique, the way a sword can cut two ways: the enemy, and the friend. He learned breath, he learned patience, he learned that battle is a dance, a conversation, an argument.

He learned about honor from Kai. As Fesrex came to trust him more, he learned about cunning from him. Nuance, loophole. Inheritance laws. The roads there were to the throne, to the dizzying heights of the Imperial Hierarchy, Fesrex laid them all out, filling Shin’s ears with promises of glory, of prestige, of becoming Crown Prince. But another voice chewed at Shin’s soul, deep down where Fesrex couldn’t see, deep down below his filial piety, below the need to please his father that’s been bred into him since he was small.

That was the voice that spoke to Uncle Kai of whispers in the dark rooms and dispatches to far-off friend. That was the voice that damned them all.

His voice.

Now Fesrex was gone. The master of the house was an enemy of the state, and his retainers - including his family - could not be trusted. The Emperor was pragmatic and swift, but also touched by the superstition the whole tabaxi nation was known for: foul fruit begets foul seeds. Which meant the Takahashi branch must be lopped off the royal tree.

“Shin, sweetheart, we must be swift, this is no time,” his mother’s voice entreated.

“I will help him,” Kei promised. “I am all packed.”

Saacra had not the time to obey her maternal instincts and left Kei to tend to her brother. She looked at the characters inked onto the wall.

“Not a very good poem,” she said. “But probably your best yet, honestly.”

Shin said nothing.

“This isn’t your fault, Shin,” Kei comforted, stroking his arm gently. “Father is the one responsible for this.”

Shin said nothing.

Kai had promised to tell no one but the Emperor that Shin had informed him. Even then, the Emperor knew only because it was necessary to allow the mercy of exile. Otherwise, the mercy the Emperor would offer his own kindred would be a swift and painless execution. Shin had spared his family from death, but damned them instead to exile. He could not contend with the shame he felt in this moment.

“Come, Shin, we must hurry,” Kei reminded him. “Uncle Kai’s charter ship leaves at dawn.”

Shin said nothing.

Kei sighed and stood. “I’m going to grab your things, and you nod if you want to pack it. We have to be judicious in what we take, remember. Do you understand?”

Shin nodded.

Clothing. Robes. Brushes. Papers. Yes and no. Silence.

The pauldrons Uncle Kai gave him. Red leather with white trim.

Nod.

Father’s signet ring.

A shake of the head.

They left with a bag filled with clothing, some simple armor, mementos, treasured belongings made by hand. What was needed, what was irreplaceable, what was useful.

Shin left his voice with the poem.


End file.
